Holiday Update

Wow, so, it's been a while since I have posted a blog. These past two weeks have been insane. Thankfully, however, the holidays are almost here and I have no school. This is such a relief. I can finally focus on things that are important to me and relax for a bit. Thankfully, next weekend should prove interesting. I'm planning on going to the Mercedes-Benz Banana Republic Fashion event and the after party at the Mondrian. This should prove to be a nice retreat from ABQ, something I've needed for a long time. I've also had much more time to go to church, which makes me quite happy. Other than this, I've observed people change around me and time continue to pass. It's both sad and exhilarating. Next semester should be hard, but fun. After that, here I come USD! :D

Thanksgiving

I have always had a love/hate relationship with the this time of year. I love preparing for the holidays: planning parties, decorating the house, shopping for and wrapping presents, are a few of my favorite things. However, the day the holiday comes, I always become bitter. I never know what it is. Possibly the constant lethargy that never seems to match the amount of work I put into the day, or the fact that I am sometimes embarrassed with the amount of money wasted that could be put to a better use helping the impoverished. Either way, I am not a "Jolly Ol' Saint Nicholas" during Christmas or Thanksgiving and I always want to escape. Today was the same as any other holiday. I always fall into a rut, trying to enjoy my family and friends, but only able to observe the materialism of it all. I know, I of all people should be the last one to talk about materialism. There's just something about the holidays that annoy me and I cannot figure it out. It's odd because normally, I'm quite jolly. Maybe one day I'll figure it out but for now, I'll enjoy what I can and thank God for what He has given me. My family, my friends, my pets, my education, and my life. I'll even thank Him for those few days a year I utterly despise, the holiDAYS. Happy Thanksgiving all!

Initiate

So, basically, I'm now a Sigma Chi! I'm so happy. This is something that I've worked for for a long time and I'm happy to be a part of such a great organization. Anyways, knowing the secrets of ritual and brotherhood are pretty cool and I'm just smiles all around. This week has been pretty laid back, but I need to kick it in to high gear tomorrow through Friday. Just keep praying (for those of you that do) for guidance this week. I'm going to need it. This isn't that interesting but I decided to update.

Myself.

Myself  

Edgar Guest  

I have to live with myself, and so, 

I want to be fit for myself to know; 

I want to be able as days go by, 

Always to look myself straight in the eye; 

I don't want to stand with the setting sun 

And hate myself for the things I've done.

I don't want to keep on a closet shelf 

A lot of secrets about myself, 

And fool myself as I come and go 

Into thinking that nobody else will know 

The kind of man I really am; 

I don't want to dress myself up in sham.

I want to go out with my head erect, 

I want to deserve all men's respect;  

But here in this struggle for fame and pelf, 

I want to be able to like myself. 

I don't want to think as I come and go 

That I'm bluster and bluff and empty show.

I never can hide myself from me, 

I see what others may never see, 

I know what others may never know, 

I never can fool myself- and so, 

Whatever happens, I want to be  

Self-respecting and conscience free.

Daniel William Cooper-Day 3

Today, I faced many things I have been avoiding for years. I spent three hours in a park just meditating and thinking about who I am while sitting in a pile of fallen autumn leaves in the middle of Freedom Park. This week of silent introspection and meditation has been extremely thought provoking. It's scary, looking at ones' self. You have to dissect every aspect of your existence, realize who you are, and try to understand yourself more. That's what this week has been. It's ironic that the true point of turning was at Freedom Park, I'm finally becoming free, facing my insecurities, realizing that what has happened in the past are simply actions and that I've been reacting for the longest time. There's so much more to this world.

Everyone has their demons, I definitely have mine. I've been struggling with them for a long time and facing them is one of the most uplifting and inspirational things I've done in a long time. I've realized I need to stop being so judgmental. The judgmental attitude I’ve possessed for years, I’ve realized, is an expression of a store of anger. I hold things in, though I am a vocal person, when it comes to the events that are truly serious to my personality and self conscious, I am quiet. There are very few people I trust enough to share my deepest secrets with and even then, it’s usually under the influence of a fine bottle of Cognac. Though my life is changing in extreme senses with the transition to college and Sigma Chi, I’m not unhappy. I’m finally facing the events of my life and learning more about who I am and what I believe in. I’m happy for this. I need to start working on my self. No more judgment, we are all children of God. Everyone is important, and every man has a purpose. I'm finally beginning to strive to be a witness, be confident in myself, and act instead of react.

James Parks Caldwell-Day 2

The man in the mirror is the hardest to face, or so they say. I-week is beginning to pull every string of my emotional and mental ability. As our meeting progress and we finish our first assignment, I'm realizing why Sigma Chi means so much to the active brothers. If I follow through with what they give me, I will come out next week a different man. It's both exhilirating and intimidating. However, I feel as though I can follow through with it.

When they first told us in our second week of pledgeship that we would have to go a week without talking in the fall, I almost died. Not in the literal sense, of course, but a week without talking to everyone I know? It was terrifying to me. However, as it progresses, I'm learning to appreciate it more and work on it MUCH more.

Though I'm not sure how much I'm allowed to disclose, I can tell you that tonight was thought provoking, in the simplest sense of the term. We were asked to go over every ethic, to find our morality, and to question our values. After doing so, we need to find why we believe what we do. They told us we'll be frustrated if we do it right because we should be questioning everything we believe in. It's frustrating...to say the least.

The next thing I'd like to share is, looking in a mirror can be very intimidating. Next time you get a chance, look in the bathroom mirror. Don't focus on your appearance or the large zit on your forehead, rather, try to look straight into your eyes. Find the person within, and question everything you know about him/her. This may take a while and your roommates might be a little confused as why you're staring at yourself in the mirror for twenty minutes (unless of course you're Aspen Carner, who, on average takes about four hours to apply her make-up) but it's worth it. Now for those few of you that actually do this which I doubt it will be very many because I don't actually share the link to this blog with a lot of people, be confident in who you are. Once you can look the man in the mirror in the eyes, you can be confident in your existence.

I know these thoughts are both sporadic and complicated, but if you were a Sigma Chi, you would understand exactly what I mean.

Isaac M. Jordan-Day 1

The confidence of the founders of Sigma Chi was based upon a belief that the principles which they professed and the ideal of the Fraternity which they sought were but imperfectly bound by the organizations in which they were surrounded

The standard with which the Fraternity started was declared by Isaac M. Jordan to be that of admitting no man membership to Sigma Chi who is not believed to be

A Man of Good Character

A Student of Fair Ability

With Ambitious Purposes

A Congenial Disposition

Possessed of Good Morals

Having a High Sense of Honor and

A Deep Sense of Personal Responsibility

So begins I-week. An entire seven days of my life dedicated to the Fraternity. This week is meant to be much more than just being quiet (which I will have much difficulty doing), it's meant to teach me more about who I am and see how I relate to the fraternal ideals the founders set forth. This entire week is going to be challenging, interesting, and uplifting. I hope that I can stick to my beliefs, as a Christian, while still maintaining the bonds of brotherhood and preventing the outcasting of others. Prayers would be appreciated as I will have little contact with others during this week.

Other than that I'm excited. These past eight weeks, I have worked tirelessly to obtain this position. I struggled but at the same time maintained my persona. I hope that after this week, I will know more about myself, feel stronger and more secure in my beliefs, and continue to show others that I really am much more than the surface shows. Tonight, as we began our implied silence, it seemed surreal. As the lights turned off for the candle pass, I looked out the window to the sun setting in the autumn sky. Reflecting the oranges and golds of the fall foliage, I was content with making this decision. I was happy that I gained the relationships with the brothers. I can't wait for initiation, I can't wait to wear the old gold and blue, and I can't wait to wear the white cross and show the world what it stands for.

At the beginning of this pledging process, I was doubtful of how I would stand up for my beliefs as a Christian, I was worried that they wouldn't be accepted by the group as a whole. However, I now know that I can be who I am around these guys. Sigma Chi stands for much more than "frat parties," it's a friendship, it's a commitment, it's accepting, but most of all, it's a brotherhood.